p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize