Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
