I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
