You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
