Your face is a jimmy john
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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