Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Welp...herpes.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
