btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
