Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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