he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
