Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
