have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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