he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize