I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
