May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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