big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
