Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
