i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
