omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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