I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
