I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize