doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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