dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
