Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
