she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize