It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
