i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
