NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
