He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
