So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize