tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
