He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
