i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
