i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
