i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
