Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
