Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
