Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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