I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
