I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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