the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize