i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
