I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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