The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
