I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize