if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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