I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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