he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
