I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
