The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize