Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She's not a foreskin expert like you
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
