i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I am available for nakedness
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
