I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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