He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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