So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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