So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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