Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
