I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
