I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
