just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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