I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
