His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
