he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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