Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
