We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize