i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
