i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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