I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
