I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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