First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
