I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
