Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
