I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
